revisiting what i'm learning.

Hey all!

Thanks so much for all the comments and words of truth and encouragement with what I shared a couple of weeks ago. I am so thankful for you. I wanted to revisit that subject with just an update on a little more of what I am learning.

After that week of uncovering some of those thought patterns, I was able to read some encouraging words from mentors and friend and got to talk through some of it with a couple of other dear friends.

One of the ladies I was talking to has actually been dealing through some of the same things, but in a different stage in life, as a mommy. Even my mom, a pro at parenting and being a wife, shared that she has dealt with the same thoughts recently in her new stage of life! Its amazing what common threads we all have as women. With so many of us desiring to feel purposeful and do valuable things, its pretty safe to say that God made us to desire purpose and value.
(if you have no idea what i am talking about and are completely confused read a couple of entries down, titled "what i'm learning.)

Our value and our purpose, our worth and joy can only come from Him though and being in His presence.

I like to have all the answers and to have everything figured out. I have been very blessed to have so many wonderful ladies pour into my life over the years, starting from birth w/ my mom and extending throughout the church body, especially during those teenage years when it wasn't cool to tell your mom all your secrets/thoughts and during college when I was away from my family. I have gained a wealth of wisdom from all the older women in my life who have poured their hearts out to me and covered me with prayers and truth.

And I always think when I am with them, man, I am going to remember what they are telling me so that I don't have to struggle with this sin or with that sin.

In my simple mind I start to think, wow, I am going to be an awesome wife, mom, etc...because these great women are telling me everything I need to know!

ha if only that were true :)

but when I don't do things right, I often feel like I am disappointing the Lord. I think, I know how I am supposed to do this! why can't I do it perfectly now!

however I am coming to learn (through the wisdom of a dear friend) that God is not about me doing things perfectly, especially not the first time. A lot of times I want Him to be about that, because I feel like I can do something to earn His love. I get frustrated when I am not His perfect daughter. But the fact is that He loves me, and He loves you, regardless of how awesome (or not awesome- as is often the case) I am.

And more than that, He wants to refine me, to train me in godliness-- and that takes time.

So even though I may know that being a wife to B and loving him daily are very valuable to God, and that I am valuable simply because God says I am, it is going to be part of the journey. It is going to take time to really believe God when He says those things.

He is taking me on a journey, and I believe that it is a delight for Him to do so. He wants to help me and walk with me or carry me through this. He doesn't want me to have all the answers (darn :) )

but thats ok. because the journey is much sweeter, training is much better than an instant superhero mix. sometimes I want that mix--but that's not what God wants. He wants me to fellowship with Him, to need Him and to spend time with Him in His word, to love Him.

So, I am still on the journey, but I think I will be on one all my life! I am just glad to know that He wants to do it w/ me :)